I’m broke. I’m in the hole financially. I thank the Good Lord above that my husband has a great job and supports us on his one paycheck, because, quite frankly, if we were relying on my two – going on three – published books, we’d be in a world of hurt. It would be Ramen and Spaghettios every night for this little family of ours.
On July 7th of 2017, I sat here in the chair that I’m currently occupying (my “perch” as my husband laughingly calls it), and I asked God to fill my idle time. Idle time, at least in my world, is ugly and self-deprecating as it allows my mind to absorb and believe the lies of the Evil One. Insecurity, doubt, depression will run rampant through my mind and heart if I allow too much idle time.
I know for some of you that you would love some of that alone time. You’re busy, you’re involved in many activities, and perhaps your job calls for more hours than you wish. Neither end of our “time spectrums” are healthy. We need rest, but we also need a good balance of being productive and using our time wisely. And that’s where I found myself on that summer day almost two years ago – needing to find a way to spend my time wisely.
Within minutes after asking God to fill that idle time, He prompted me to write. I’ve always loved the idea of writing, but up until that point, I hadn’t done much of it. All that changed that day when He told me to not only write a faith-based novel, but to make it a three-book series.
Y’all, I never blinked once about it. The insecure, doubting, low self-esteemed woman that usually inhabits my body kept her comments to herself that day (a miracle in itself). Instead, what replaced that person was someone who said “Yes” to the call. “Yes,” I will write these books, Lord. “Yes,” I will stay the course and finish what You are creating in my heart to write. “Yes,” because I know that this could only come from You. And so I began writing.
Fast forward to now, almost two years later. I’m broke. I’ve spent way too much money on buying inventory (my actual books) and other office supplies. I’ve had to pay my editors and my cover artist – although they deserve MUCH more than I have been able to compensate them. (Side note: They’re all the best, both in the work they’ve done for me and as amazing human beings.) And don’t even get me started on the cost of my fruitless advertising efforts that have been ridiculously expensive. Have I mentioned that I’m in the hole? (insert winky face)
However, and that’s a huge “HOWEVER,” I’m not in this for the money. I’m not in this to impress anyone. I’m not expecting to ever receive national or international notoriety. I’m not in this to be waving my hands in the air and screaming, “Hey! Look at me! Look what I did!”
No, I’m in this to fill my idle time, to occupy those spaces in my head that would otherwise call me “stupid, insignificant, unworthy.” I’m in this to provide therapy to my heart, to grow me and to challenge me in my relationship with Christ. I’m in this to share this beautiful story of “Ivory Shores” to hopefully forever change the hearts of those who read the series. It’s an amazing story – not because of me, but because it came straight from our Heavenly Father. This is His story, and I’m humbled to share it.
So, what is the cost of trusting God? It’s priceless. There is no sum large enough to define the value of obedience when you’re doing it for your Audience of One.
Trust Him. Obey Him when He calls you to something bigger than yourself. For it’s in those times that… that it’s everything.
More about this author and her book series: https://tonyaweeks.com/